so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
