Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
