hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Boobs are out for the taking
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
