you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My balls are so social today.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
