I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
