I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
