1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
