it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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