After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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