No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
