my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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