While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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