I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
