you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
