the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
