he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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