My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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