Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
