It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
