If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
