The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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