Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
