I'm going to jail i love you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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