I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
