I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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