Please, let me fuck your mom
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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