oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We are two peas in an std pod
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
