Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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