felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
