You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
