Plan B is the new Plan A
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
