Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
