If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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