He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is the high leading the old right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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