so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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