somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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