mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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