Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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