We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
