What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
