had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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