Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
