I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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