good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
