Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
