no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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