Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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