Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
