do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
