I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
