My nipple is on Facebook.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
