The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
