I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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