Will you blow on my dice?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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