Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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