Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm really busy with my period
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