Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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