there was a trapeze. enough said
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
