My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
