My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
