he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
